Focus, Determination, DRIVE

Today was day 10 for P90x for me.  I splurged a little this morning as I've been kind of on a little retail therapy kick this weekend and bought myself a little something special - a set of sportblocks!

I love them.  Like seriously love them.  My old weights were a messy jumble and they didn't actually weigh what they said they weighed and I couldn't change them fast enough.  Now I just set these and go go go!  I didn't buy the stand, just the weights because the stupid stand was almost the same price as the weights.  I sit these on my old transfirmer and that is a flat enough surface.  The stand would be awesome - taller and at an angle...but not worth the cash for me today.  Anyway, these weights are amazing and I can tell I'm getting a better workout because I'm using the appropriate weight.

Today's workout also made me think a lot about my progress so far.  I have done really well over the last 5 months.  So well it's hard for me to even really wrap my brain's why I take so many progress pictures, it helps me see what I can't believe yet.

So now, I'm in this incredible mental place.  I'm now at the point where I really want to start focusing on pushing myself to get to the maintenance phase.  I'm not that close to it - I have at least another 40 lbs to lose.  But I think that I'm at a point where I am seeing the body changes more than just a shrinking body.  I am starting to see some definition in my arms when I flex and very slight lines on my stomach. When I lift weights during P90x I can see the muscles now.  I am starting to realize that my body is going through a major change that I can control.  That's why I decided to plunk down the money for the sportblocks today.  It's why I am about to do some major diet adjustments and start focusing on my diet more during the work day (meaning drinking my water, even if it means a million pee breaks) and staying away from the candy jar (Tabby will have to help me here!).  At home I am going to stay dedicated to my workouts and my clean eating and I am going to steadily tweak my diet for better satiety and make more dishes at home.  

Essentially, the last couple of days I have really realized not that I can do this.  But that I AM doing this.  I AM making my body healthy, strong, and well.  I am driven to be the women I have dreamed of being....the only factor is time.

On Motivation and Making it Work

So a few months ago, at some point between my experiment into Insanity and starting the Ultimate Reset I was kind of drifting.  I was sure I wanted to lose weight but I wasn't sure that it could happen or would happen.  I was just kind of going through the motions.

Enter Pinterest.

Pinterest has a health and fitness section and I often peruse it looking for recipes and fitness blogs and cool sayings.  It's great for that.  One day I ran across the Fleur Meets Fitness blog as a post that someone put up.  I saw the before and after that made me want to go to the site.  So I did.  And I ended up reading every single post on her blog.  Short story - she has lost an amazing amount of weight by deciding that she was going to take a year and dedicate it to weight loss.  I feel like I haven't found a lot of blogs on weight loss that I identify with like this.  She had one blog where she wrote about giving up and how this was going to be the time she didn't.  Well right on sister.  So much that she said were thoughts that crossed my mind and .  And I got pretty amped up.  Because I started to have "I can do this!!" thoughts that started to push out the "Why are you still bothering?" thoughts that had taken over.  You see - you can't actually win at anything - weight loss, career goals, life goals - if you don't actually believe you can make it happen.  To reach the hard goals you have to have motivation and  you have to believe it is worth it and it is possible.  If you don't have that, then it is almost impossible to convince yourself the sacrifice, changes, challenges, and hard work are worth it.  And you start to slip.  A cookie here.  A skipped workout there.  And next thing you know you are doing 25% of the work necessary to achieve 100% of your goal and wondering what happened.  You have to have that believe in yourself and believe it is possible, bottom line.

So what did I too next?  Made a 3 step plan to success   Well the Ultimate Reset was step 1.  Because if there is anything I had to accept it was that my sugar addiction and my inability to deal with my cravings (and just say NO sometimes) was killing me (literally and figuratively).  And the fact that it was advertised as helping with both of those meant it was worth the money to go for it.  With the food part handled, on to step 2 - Get serious.  If there was anything that I realized while reading her blog it was that I had to make a conscious decision to do this.  And decide to put in the work.  So that's what I did.  I picked a program (Turbo Fire with some Les Mills Pump mixed in) for the month of October and printed a schedule and posted it in my "gym" (what you don't have a home gym?  ok me either, it's just what I call the area in the basement where I do my workouts, haha).  And then I committed.  I committed that I was going to do this and do it right.  Which meant if I was going to keep bitching about how I couldn't lose weight I had to be 100% about this.  So back to 5am workouts and 10pm bedtimes.

Step 3?  Well that's were I'm at.  It's continuing the work I established in steps 1 and 2 until I get to the goal.  I don't really have a goal weight.  I never really have and probably never will.  My first goal is to get under 200 lbs because while I don't have a goal weight I do know that a healthy 5'9" girl is probably not over 200 lbs.  I know the kind of body I want and I think that I can get there if I continue to stay focused, keep planning, stay motivated, and keep believing in the outcome.