I spent the last week trying to really buckle down. I totally suck at blogging my food as evidenced by this week's attempt. But I know what I ate. And it's been simple foods, simple preparations, and pre-packing it (at night). I have been saying no to moderation. No to the 80% rule. No to "I'll eat this now and make up for it by being good later" mentality. I have been strict except for 2 occasions - my buddy's wedding on Friday night and her birthday part on Saturday night. And Saturday night was mostly because I forgot I was an old fart and can't stay up past 10 pm without sleeping until noon the next day. But I grocery shopped as soon as I got up and after we got back from her party I got in the kitchen and stayed up until 1 am ( I know...Sunday was a disaster) cooking food and then prepping my containers to take with me on Sunday. Sunday I was 100% back on track. And I sit her Monday night after another day 100%.
How often will I deviate from being super anal retentive about my food? My heart lately tells me that I should just stay like this until it makes sense to have a break. A special occasion. A date night with the hubby. A girls night (we are old, this isn't a weekly thing). I lean towards this because I want to make the way I eat the norm, not something to escape from by cheating/treating myself. That's what I want. I want to be the kind of person that can order a clean-ish meal from a restaurant and not feel deprived because I didn't have the deep fried mozzarella sticks. And I want to enjoy these special foods, not inhale them because I've been waiting ALL week to be released like a rabid animal on a pizza and cookie spree.
And I want to reach my goals. I want to stop being on my weight loss journey and I want to be on my maintenance grind. I want to stop being in loser mode. And bottom line - that is going to take another level of sacrifice that I am FINALLY in a mental place to accept and act on. I have not been the past 12 months. I've mentally been more in maintenance mode and it shows. For my whole journey honestly I have been maybe 80%-ing it. And that's why i'm 80% to my goal.
So. I'm making myself a promise (or a million):
I will not use words like "I deserve" or "I earned" when talking about treats/cheats
I will commit to cooking, even when I don't feel like it, if we are running out of food so we stay on track.
I will not say yes to food out of guilt or to make someone else happy.
I will commit to my workouts and when I am working out I will be fully present.
I will start meditating again.
I will reach my goal.
I will choose to be the success story.