Strictly Speaking

I spent the last week trying to really buckle down.  I totally suck at blogging my food as evidenced by this week's attempt.  But I know what I ate.  And it's been simple foods, simple preparations, and pre-packing it (at night).  I have been saying no to moderation.  No to the 80% rule.  No to "I'll eat this now and make up for it by being good later" mentality.  I have been strict except for 2 occasions - my buddy's wedding on Friday night and her birthday part on Saturday night.  And Saturday night was mostly because I forgot I was an old fart and can't stay up past 10 pm without sleeping until noon the next day.  But I grocery shopped as soon as I got up and after we got back from her party I got in the kitchen and stayed up until 1 am ( I know...Sunday was a disaster) cooking food and then prepping my containers to take with me on Sunday.  Sunday I was 100% back on track.  And I sit her Monday night after another day 100%. 

How often will I deviate from being super anal retentive about my food?  My heart lately tells me that I should just stay like this until it makes sense to have a break.  A special occasion.  A date night with the hubby.  A girls night (we are old, this isn't a weekly thing).  I lean towards this because I want to make the way I eat the norm, not something to escape from by cheating/treating myself. That's what I want.  I want to be the kind of person that can order a clean-ish meal from a restaurant and not feel deprived because I didn't have the deep fried mozzarella sticks.  And I want to enjoy these special foods, not inhale them because I've been waiting ALL week to be released like a rabid animal on a pizza and cookie spree. 

And I want to reach my goals.  I want to stop being on my weight loss journey and I want to be on my maintenance grind.  I want to stop being in loser mode.  And bottom line - that is going to take another level of sacrifice that I am FINALLY in a mental place to accept and act on.  I have not been the past 12 months.  I've mentally been more in maintenance mode and it shows.  For my whole journey honestly I have been maybe 80%-ing it.  And that's why i'm 80% to my goal. 

So.  I'm making myself a promise (or a million):

I will not use words like "I deserve" or "I earned" when talking about treats/cheats

I will commit to cooking, even when I don't feel like it, if we are running out of food so we stay on track.

I will not say yes to food out of guilt or to make someone else happy.

I will commit to my workouts and when I am working out I will be fully present.

I will start meditating again.

I will reach my goal. 

I will choose to be the success story.